I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Randomize
