She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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