But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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