i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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