I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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