if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
