yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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