We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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