Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
