good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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