btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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