Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
