I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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