The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
