Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
