How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
