Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
