there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
