I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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