i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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