I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My liver just had a heart attack.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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