There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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