so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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