Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
