everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
