Too much gin, very little bucket
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
