how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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