That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
