There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Oh god it's open bar.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
