I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
