with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
