i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
