Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
