I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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