JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
