Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You were trust falling into bushes
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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