$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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