Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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