Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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