some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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