Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
