I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
