what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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