Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
