yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
