it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
