I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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