i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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