That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
