sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
