halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
