I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so that wasnt chicken after all
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
